why didn't you poke me back
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
