He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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