hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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