He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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