...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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