life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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