Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
