We're like a lot better than the average bears
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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