OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
