tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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