i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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