cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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