Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
high people should be assigned attendants
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
