I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
