I queefed so loud it echoed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
