We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
