forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
