ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
