We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
