areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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