I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
