watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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