OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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