just tell him i said nine months
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
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The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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