My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I intend to get homeless drunk
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
