My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I see more hoeing in ur future
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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