Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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