The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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