I just threw up on my dentist
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
how drunk are you?
Several
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
