I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
