Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
