I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
