PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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