Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
