About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
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Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
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i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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