when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
