weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
