FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
