I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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