my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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