I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
