11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
