i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
