she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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