in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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