Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
