come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
