And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
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Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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