Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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