I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
