Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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