we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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