He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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