Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Mom said you looked used
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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