im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
that may or may not have been my penis.
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