She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
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its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
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I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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