How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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