Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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