I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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