I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
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Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
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did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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