I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
