If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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