i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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