Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
