can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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