I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
