I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
