but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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