i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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